Freudian (adj.): of, relating to, or in accordance with the psychoanalytic theories of Sigmund Freud

I had a dream last night that I was on tour with the band last night and we were staying in a pretty crappy motel in a backwater town, most likely in upstate New York. Singer Tom and I were, for some reason, watching baseball on a gigantic (think 128″) traditional TV set up in the parking lot of this motel, facing the street.

I realized I had to pee with some urgency, and rather than going into the motel room to use the bathroom there, I decided I was going to hobble a couple of doors down to the run-down restaurant down the street. The place inside was about the size of a small train car, decked out in dark wood paneling with cream-colored formica countertops and wispy magenta drapes — it felt throwback, though to an era I couldn’t quite identify.

Everyone in the restaurant, including what appeared to be the owner, her husband, and a younger hostess type, were huddled around the front door, either watching a TV that must have been situated just behind my right shoulder or playing some sort of party game I didn’t recognize. I spoke to the people who appeared to be in charge and asked if I could use their bathroom. The hostess and the husband nodded yes, and the owner said no.

“Please?” I begged. The owner shook her head.

I turned to the husband and asked, in my most lawyerly tone, “Is this restaurant a public accomodation?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Then by law, you have to let me use the restroom.”

The owner frowned so hard her face looked like it was about to shatter and fall to the floor. The husband smiled, but said, “you certainly are greedy, son.”

I laughed. “Sorry, I really have to go!” And I did.

I went to the back of the restaurant, found a fixture that was a cross between a urinal and a full toilet, and I started to piss. I continued to piss for, no joke, the next three minutes of perceived dream-time, while the toilet slowly migrated all the way across the wall from left to right, as if trying as hard as it could to escape my relentless stream.

I don’t know what was going to happen next, because I woke up. I had to pee.