meatus (n.): a natural body passage

Unfortunately, this word is pronounced /mi’etəs/ (à la Merriam-Webster, mE-’A-t&s) and not /’mitəs/ (M-W: ‘mE-t&s), the way it would if I were king, or alternatively, if the world was a South Park cartoon. “Meatus” comes from the same root as “permeate,” the Latin meare, meaning go, pass, etc., and the standard pronunciation reflects that. This, of course, hasn’t stopped me from pronouncing it /’mitəs/, both out loud and in my head, and I encourage you to hear it that way for the rest of this blog post and, subesequently, your life.

“Meatus” is a medical term, and crops up naturally in such magnificent phrases as superior meatus, middle meatus, and inferior meatus, but most often, it’s found in the noun phrase “urinary meatus,” meaning the opening of the urethra at the tip of the penis or in the vulva. This explains why the Google ads that show up on Merriam-Webster’s definition of “meatus” include the following:

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What’s really nice about “meatus,” though, is that it’s fundamentally all-purpose. “Shut your meatus” is not only fun to say, but accurate and meaningful. “Show me your meatus” sounds dirty, but could be satisfied by simply exposing one’s ear. “Shove it in my meatus” is what you do with wedding cake — and NO, not in a Ray Smuckles kind of way (SFW).

Watch out, though, friend, because inappropriate uses of “meatus” do exist, namely those thought up by vegans.

Tags: orthography