heteronormative (adj.): of or pertaining to the practices and institutions that legitimize and privilege heterosexuality, heterosexual relationships, and traditional gender roles as fundamental and “natural” within society

I hadn’t thought much about heteronormativity since my old college days among the Brunonian gays, metros, and effetes, god bless ‘em, but I recently took this word out for a spin, and man did it feel good. I work with a hyper-PC feminist who inspires me to new heights of offensiveness, and rather than my more typical over-the-top stuff (“Have you heard of Adam Green?” “No, is he a kike?”), the other day I started in on something a little more subtle. At first, I spun out the neologism “masculocentric,” as in, “That printer is so masculocentric,” but I soon came to realize that there was no substitute for “heteronormative.”

What’s so great is that you can refer to anything as heteronormative and it’s entertaining whether it’s true or not. For instance, when a group of paras went to lunch on Friday and said coworker got a big ol’ pink frozen drink, I mentioned how heteronormative her margarita was. But on the flip side, my stapler is so heteronormative it problematizes the mere definition of sexuality. What’s a girl to do?